Dependence

So this weekend I attended church service alone, as my husband committed nearly four hours to ministering to 7 year old boys (more power to people like him!). The sanctuary of any of my home churches has always been my thinking place. They don't call it 'the sanctuary' at the church I currently attend, probably for some evangelical cutting edge vocabulary reason (I believe they refer to it as the 'auditorium,' which evokes memories of grade school talent shows and choral concerts. entirely not the same idea), but I refer to it as such regardless. The sanctuary is what it sounds like: a safe place, a place of rest and refuge and release. A place where inspiration can abound because the pressure, for one hour, is off. It doesn't matter that you didn't finish that project or that you're fighting with a friend or that your air conditioner is broken. God is here, and you are here, and that's all that matters (though both of those cases should be viewed as constants in our every day lives, but thats a different discussion).
Sitting in a cushy chair all by myself, waiting for the lights to dim and the band to start playing, I let my mind wander in conversation with God, consciously blotting out all other directions. I think about how I'm sorry for the stupid thing I said to my husband earlier. About how I need to work on certain areas of my spiritual life. about how I'm sorry that I'm emotional and I get all stirred up over little things when I should just remain in God's peace.
and then it hits me. the feelings I'm going over in my brain and the reactions I've been having all day show a lack of one thing: dependence.*
I'm depending on a relationship to determine my mood, my reactions. I'm depending on a project, on a plan, on a life event. All of these can be good things and determine good moods, but they can also spiral downward and evoke not-so-good moods.
But with dependence, namely on the One Who Created Me, that roller-coaster of feeling I so often find myself fighting to get off of could dissapear. I would still have feelings, a fight-or-flight reaction, jealousy and fear and hope, but they would be rooted in the "peace that transcends all understanding"**
Its like a compas. Or a solid foundation amidst the sands on a beach. Or a pole to grasp in the subway as it twists and turns. Or a life jacket. Or headlights on a rainy day. Or a friend's hand to hold on tight to.
Dependence on God is what produces this transcendant peace. And that peace, provided by the One and Only, is the staying factor in any and every situation. The piece that holds it all together, and literally keeps everything from falling apart. As the poingant line from A Tale of Two Cities intones, "The wind is rushing after us, and the clouds and flying after us, and the moon is plunging after us, and the whole wild night is in pursuit of us..." everything in the world may seem to be against us, but with dependence on Christ, our foundation cannot crumble.



















*see blog entitled "intensity of emotion."
** Phillipians 4:7