Last night, as I lie away thinking of the business of the next day, I began to let my mind wander in my exhaustion. For some reason, I find that when my mind is tired and I'm too sleepy to control it, my thoughts start sorting through all of my failures, and try to find any bitterness hiding out in my brain. I don't understand why, at one of the most vulnerable times of the day, my thoughts begin to wallow in the pain of past emotions. Inevitably, my dreams become affected by the negative wanderings before I fell asleep.
So last night, as I thought of the harsh moments in my life, I tried to shake myself out of it, literally saying to myself: "Stop dwelling in these places, they can ruin your entire attitude."
And then I stopped.
Because the word "dwelling" evokes so many scriptural references my mind is suddenly flooded, and not by darkness, but by light.
Psalm 4:8 "I will lie down and sleep in peace, for you alone, Oh Lord, make me dwell in safety." Probably the most comforting words I've ever heard in my life.
Psalm 23:6 "Surely goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever."
John 1: 14 "The Word became flesh and made His dwelling among us. We have seen His glory..."
Ephesians 3:17 "So that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith."
and perhaps most appropriate:
Isaiah 43:18 "...forget former things, do not dwell on the past."
Though I'm pretty sure at the time in grade school I only memorized verses to recieve a prize, I'm truly reaping the rewards today and tomorrow. In moments of trial, even minimal, late at night confusion trials, the Lord's words 'dwelling' within me is His perfect gift.
As Jesus started many of His parables "The kingdom of heaven is like..." I believe that the Kindom of Heaven is like dwelling. With God, in His Son, in the power and presence of the Holy Spirit, in the peace and safety and joy of simply
dwelling.
7.29.2008
7.14.2008
"From the Inside Out" - Hillsong
A song from this weekend's service:
A thousand times I've failed
Still your mercy remains
And should I stumble again
Still I'm caught in your grace
Everlasting, Your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending, Your glory goes beyond all fame
In my heart, in my soul, Lord I give you control
Consume me from the inside out Lord
Let justice and praise become my embrace
To love You from the inside out
A thousand times I've failed
Still your mercy remains
And should I stumble again
Still I'm caught in your grace
Everlasting, Your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending, Your glory goes beyond all fame
In my heart, in my soul, Lord I give you control
Consume me from the inside out Lord
Let justice and praise become my embrace
To love You from the inside out
Dependence
So this weekend I attended church service alone, as my husband committed nearly four hours to ministering to 7 year old boys (more power to people like him!). The sanctuary of any of my home churches has always been my thinking place. They don't call it 'the sanctuary' at the church I currently attend, probably for some evangelical cutting edge vocabulary reason (I believe they refer to it as the 'auditorium,' which evokes memories of grade school talent shows and choral concerts. entirely not the same idea), but I refer to it as such regardless. The sanctuary is what it sounds like: a safe place, a place of rest and refuge and release. A place where inspiration can abound because the pressure, for one hour, is off. It doesn't matter that you didn't finish that project or that you're fighting with a friend or that your air conditioner is broken. God is here, and you are here, and that's all that matters (though both of those cases should be viewed as constants in our every day lives, but thats a different discussion).
Sitting in a cushy chair all by myself, waiting for the lights to dim and the band to start playing, I let my mind wander in conversation with God, consciously blotting out all other directions. I think about how I'm sorry for the stupid thing I said to my husband earlier. About how I need to work on certain areas of my spiritual life. about how I'm sorry that I'm emotional and I get all stirred up over little things when I should just remain in God's peace.
and then it hits me. the feelings I'm going over in my brain and the reactions I've been having all day show a lack of one thing: dependence.*
I'm depending on a relationship to determine my mood, my reactions. I'm depending on a project, on a plan, on a life event. All of these can be good things and determine good moods, but they can also spiral downward and evoke not-so-good moods.
But with dependence, namely on the One Who Created Me, that roller-coaster of feeling I so often find myself fighting to get off of could dissapear. I would still have feelings, a fight-or-flight reaction, jealousy and fear and hope, but they would be rooted in the "peace that transcends all understanding"**
Its like a compas. Or a solid foundation amidst the sands on a beach. Or a pole to grasp in the subway as it twists and turns. Or a life jacket. Or headlights on a rainy day. Or a friend's hand to hold on tight to.
Dependence on God is what produces this transcendant peace. And that peace, provided by the One and Only, is the staying factor in any and every situation. The piece that holds it all together, and literally keeps everything from falling apart. As the poingant line from A Tale of Two Cities intones, "The wind is rushing after us, and the clouds and flying after us, and the moon is plunging after us, and the whole wild night is in pursuit of us..." everything in the world may seem to be against us, but with dependence on Christ, our foundation cannot crumble.
*see blog entitled "intensity of emotion."
** Phillipians 4:7
Sitting in a cushy chair all by myself, waiting for the lights to dim and the band to start playing, I let my mind wander in conversation with God, consciously blotting out all other directions. I think about how I'm sorry for the stupid thing I said to my husband earlier. About how I need to work on certain areas of my spiritual life. about how I'm sorry that I'm emotional and I get all stirred up over little things when I should just remain in God's peace.
and then it hits me. the feelings I'm going over in my brain and the reactions I've been having all day show a lack of one thing: dependence.*
I'm depending on a relationship to determine my mood, my reactions. I'm depending on a project, on a plan, on a life event. All of these can be good things and determine good moods, but they can also spiral downward and evoke not-so-good moods.
But with dependence, namely on the One Who Created Me, that roller-coaster of feeling I so often find myself fighting to get off of could dissapear. I would still have feelings, a fight-or-flight reaction, jealousy and fear and hope, but they would be rooted in the "peace that transcends all understanding"**
Its like a compas. Or a solid foundation amidst the sands on a beach. Or a pole to grasp in the subway as it twists and turns. Or a life jacket. Or headlights on a rainy day. Or a friend's hand to hold on tight to.
Dependence on God is what produces this transcendant peace. And that peace, provided by the One and Only, is the staying factor in any and every situation. The piece that holds it all together, and literally keeps everything from falling apart. As the poingant line from A Tale of Two Cities intones, "The wind is rushing after us, and the clouds and flying after us, and the moon is plunging after us, and the whole wild night is in pursuit of us..." everything in the world may seem to be against us, but with dependence on Christ, our foundation cannot crumble.
*see blog entitled "intensity of emotion."
** Phillipians 4:7
7.09.2008
Flying through a window?
This morning, I listened to the "meditation moment," the politically correct spiritual thought of the week provided by our head director of spiritual care. The thoughts range from silly to sobering each week. This week, I heard the director's voice start out "once there was a woman who noticed a fly trapped in her kitchen..."
He continued to describe how the woman observed the fly running over and over again into the closed window, searching for the fresh air and light outside. Feeling sympathetic, the woman walked over and opened her back door. With the door wide open and a fresh breeze sliding in from outdoors, the fly continued to run into the solid glass of the window.
I have rarely heard a better example of what we so often do with life choices. We decide that this is the way we want to go, we think that this is the opportunity, the choice, the position that we will spend time and energy to gain. Sometimes, our determination pays off and everything is as it should be, as God wished it to be. But I think more often than not, our decision reflects that of the fly hitting the window. There is a wide open door less than ten feet away, with all of the tantalizing scents and offerings of where we belong, but we blindly continue to plod on in our choice because we either can't or won't see the other possibilities God has in store.
God grant me the wisdom to see the difference...
He continued to describe how the woman observed the fly running over and over again into the closed window, searching for the fresh air and light outside. Feeling sympathetic, the woman walked over and opened her back door. With the door wide open and a fresh breeze sliding in from outdoors, the fly continued to run into the solid glass of the window.
I have rarely heard a better example of what we so often do with life choices. We decide that this is the way we want to go, we think that this is the opportunity, the choice, the position that we will spend time and energy to gain. Sometimes, our determination pays off and everything is as it should be, as God wished it to be. But I think more often than not, our decision reflects that of the fly hitting the window. There is a wide open door less than ten feet away, with all of the tantalizing scents and offerings of where we belong, but we blindly continue to plod on in our choice because we either can't or won't see the other possibilities God has in store.
God grant me the wisdom to see the difference...
7.08.2008
Potential gods and godesses
Earlier I was reading a quote from C.S. Lewis' sermon entitled "The Weight of Glory." He notes that, "It is a serious thing, to live in a society of possible gods and goddesses, to remember that the dullest and most uninteresting person you talk to may one day be a creature which, if you sw it now, you would be strongly tempted to worship [a resident of heaven]...it is with the awe and the circumspection proper to them, that we should conduct all our dealings with one another...There are no 'ordinary' people. You have never talked to a mere mortal..."
C.S. Lewis invokes both the awareness of the Kingdom of Heaven and the remembrance that we are made in God's image, two powerful perspectives to highlight our everyday interactions. Its quite a lot to think about: the person who nearly rammed my car making an illegal u-turn on sunday could someday be my dinner partner in heaven; the neighbors accross the street who only speak in shout volume and only after 10 o'clock at night, and only outside on the street were made in the image of the One True God; the professor who questioned my integrity and shook the foundations on which I built my character may be the first one to greet me in heaven. Self-righteousness is not a virtue, but I feel that many of us, especially those who walk with God, often fall prey to this fissure of sin.
To be clear, Lewis is not touting tolerance or indulgence as the Way. He clarifies, "[take] each other seriously--no flippancy, no superiority, no presumption. And our charity must be a real and costly love, with deep feeling for the sins in spite of which we love the sinner..."
To slough off the sin of self-righteousness is not to take on the un-biblical burden of tolerance. It is to love the sinner deeply, to cherish them in their image of God and possibility of eternity, and to encourage them along the way. Not to say "I cannot love you because you sin," nor to say, "its okay, I will love you and the sin because that is who you are," but to say "I cannot accept your sin as the best reflection of the heavenly being you were meant to be, but I love you within and through the sin."
I don't think that position is easy to find. I don't think its like walking along a wide trail through a flat prairie holding hands with all of the Christians and non-Christians alike. I think its a balance beam. You know, the ones you see skinny gymnasts doing backflips on that look to be about 2 inches wide? In reality, the balance beam is four inches wide and usually four feet off the ground. Its a dangerous distance to spin and leap and flip around. But that is the narrow path we are called to. Not to avoid others and consider them below us. Not to become dragged down and fall in the trough. Though there are supposed to be mats on the floor to protect you, often in life there are no mats, and sometimes there seems to be no floor, just an endless fall. Merely to come alongside them and help them balance on their own 4" wide beam. The key is to stay on the beam, hold your brothers and sisters up no matter what you think they do or do not deserve, and continue on this journey loving deeply and treasuring people. All people, because they are made in the image of our God, and they are, just like you and me, chosen by Him to be a part of His family.
C.S. Lewis invokes both the awareness of the Kingdom of Heaven and the remembrance that we are made in God's image, two powerful perspectives to highlight our everyday interactions. Its quite a lot to think about: the person who nearly rammed my car making an illegal u-turn on sunday could someday be my dinner partner in heaven; the neighbors accross the street who only speak in shout volume and only after 10 o'clock at night, and only outside on the street were made in the image of the One True God; the professor who questioned my integrity and shook the foundations on which I built my character may be the first one to greet me in heaven. Self-righteousness is not a virtue, but I feel that many of us, especially those who walk with God, often fall prey to this fissure of sin.
To be clear, Lewis is not touting tolerance or indulgence as the Way. He clarifies, "[take] each other seriously--no flippancy, no superiority, no presumption. And our charity must be a real and costly love, with deep feeling for the sins in spite of which we love the sinner..."
To slough off the sin of self-righteousness is not to take on the un-biblical burden of tolerance. It is to love the sinner deeply, to cherish them in their image of God and possibility of eternity, and to encourage them along the way. Not to say "I cannot love you because you sin," nor to say, "its okay, I will love you and the sin because that is who you are," but to say "I cannot accept your sin as the best reflection of the heavenly being you were meant to be, but I love you within and through the sin."
I don't think that position is easy to find. I don't think its like walking along a wide trail through a flat prairie holding hands with all of the Christians and non-Christians alike. I think its a balance beam. You know, the ones you see skinny gymnasts doing backflips on that look to be about 2 inches wide? In reality, the balance beam is four inches wide and usually four feet off the ground. Its a dangerous distance to spin and leap and flip around. But that is the narrow path we are called to. Not to avoid others and consider them below us. Not to become dragged down and fall in the trough. Though there are supposed to be mats on the floor to protect you, often in life there are no mats, and sometimes there seems to be no floor, just an endless fall. Merely to come alongside them and help them balance on their own 4" wide beam. The key is to stay on the beam, hold your brothers and sisters up no matter what you think they do or do not deserve, and continue on this journey loving deeply and treasuring people. All people, because they are made in the image of our God, and they are, just like you and me, chosen by Him to be a part of His family.
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