Goody good good

So, in my new, more focused praying in the car (I suppose its the only real reason commuting can be good), I was praying for my Dad, and thanking God for blessing him. I was basically saying to God, hey, I knwo my Dad almost had to go through this really intense deal, but through your Grace, you opened up many opportunities for him to take that burden off of his shoulders. And I thought, hey, how great is that, my Dad is a man of great wisdom and he has defenitely lived a grace-filled life, it's great that you've blessed him like this.
But wait.
what does that say about my world view? That God only blesses people when they're good and have been committed to him? That if you're not like that, like in olden days when you got sick or hurt, you must not be committed to God?

No. Heck no. Please no. I don't believe in a God who has a little checklist before He can bless people. I don't believe in a God with a little calculator, counting up the times I've done things right and done things wrong, and doling out mercy and grace dependent on that.

Absolutely not. Here's what I do believe: God works all things together for the good of those who love him.

So...good. That explains why my dad is being blessed so much, but what about me? What about all the blessing I need and want in my life that have been missing for so many months or years? I was supposed to have passed several major milestones in my life thus far - have a full-time job related to my field; be pregnant with my first child; be at least an acceptable cook; have a kick-butt garden; know how to throw clay on a potter's wheel; own a kayak. For real, these things are on my list.

Aha. There it is. These things are on my list. These things are my definition of good.

I should really listen to what I preach. J taught this weekend in youth group about how if you're on a plane, and a storm hits, and things aren't going the way you hoped and prayed they would, you don't go running up to the cockpit, throw the pilot out of the way and take the controls. That's ludicrous. Who would do that??

But I do it every day. God looks out and sees the whole panorama of possibility as he guides my life, but when i look out my teeny window with the shade pulled down half way, I freak out and think "This isn't what I signed up for. Why am I not being blessed? Why aren't good things happening to me? Let me drive, this is bogus."

But then there's His defenition of good. No, I don't have the things on my list. But here's what I do have: a chance to write for a couple dozen pubications on a regular basis and all kinds of subjects. A chance to live near family and not to far from the rest of my family. A home that is all my own. A porch swing. A job with good health insurance that I can excel at. My very own easel to paint as the inspiration moves me. A yard filled with blooming flowers, if not weeded. A car that will last until my kids are in middle school.

A God who loves me, and knows what's truly Good.