Lost the Identity

I used to wear an ID bracelet (that I conveniently ordered and then had my dad pick up from a jewlery store so he'd have to pay) that had the word "Beloved" engraved on it. It wasn't from my now-husband, Tim, or from a creepy secret admirer. I picked it out myself, to remind myself every day of my identity. Some say Identity in Christ, but I feel like that puts a clarifier on it. It doesn't need to be clarified. It's the entire foundational level of my identity, like the fact that I'm the eldest sibling, I look like my dad, I sound like my mom, I tell it like it is, I make things more dramatic, I don't waste time, I love to write, and my butt is always in good shape :) But before all of those things, before the nature, the nurture, the choices, is the ground zero of my life: I am God's Beloved.
Some of you may recognize the inspiration of my bracelet from Henri Nouwen, with good reason.

I read a devotional the other day, after a couple of recent rejections in one of those situations that no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't please my editors. Side effect of being a writer. They know me, they like me, they just are impossible to match exactly sometimes. I was very frusterated and trying not to despair, telling myself: for every article that doesn't come to fruition by being published (and myself getting paid) there's another publication that has asked me to write for them. But logical math doesn't help the grieving woman!

The devotional, by the much-admired Max Lucado, discussed how rejection, on human terms, can hurt very deeply. But on a spiritual and emotional plane, maybe wallowing in that is ridiculous. If I know my Father in Heaven has not, will not, and cannot reject me, then what does it matter if silly, sinful people do? The most perfect Being there ever was, or ever will be, has declared that he will not let me go, will not let me fall, and will not ever send me packing. Ever. For as long as we both shall live.

So why should I lose my identity, my grounding, me, every time things don't go my way? Just because someone does not appreciate my effort or accept my hard work, so what? They can do whatever they want. The foundation, my Beloved status, will not be shaken. Houses with strong foundations are less likely to fall prey to natural disasters. If I trust in my foundation, why should itty bitty breezes, or even large gusts of wind knock me down?

I don't have that ID bracelet any longer. But I will remember the reason I bought it: To declair the definition of my life. To never forget who I am. Beloved.